"Now You Can Be Inspired Every Day!" because, yes, a new product has hit the market called the Joel Osteen™ Inspiration Cube™ that will, with the push of a button, spew bite-sized Osteentastic prosperity nuggets directly into your itchy ear canals for the low, low price of $39.99!
(Oh wait — there's also $5.99 shipping, so it's actually $45.98. But still, what a steal!)
I mean, just look at this gorgeous device!
Feast your eyes on all the promises you can name and claim for a mere $46!
Who doesn't want to GET IN POSITION FOR INCREASE? No-brainer!
There is even a video on the not-mobile-friendly product site! With happy people dancing and the man himself delivering soundbites! Who on earth could resist that porcelain face??
It says it right there in the video: This little cube (it's sort of a cube?) contains The Most Powerful Daily Inspirations Ever Assembled!
Just look at that rainbow aura of prosperity they inserted under Joel in his opening shot in the video!
Would these people lie to you? Would Tom Morris lie to you? This little device changed his life completely!
There's even a 30-day money-back guarantee, except you don't get the $6 shipping and handling charge back, which is probably roughly equal to the manufacturing cost of this little beauty, but who cares!
I know what I'm giving to all my loved ones this Christmas!!