With the world consumed in international panic over the coronavirus pandemic, it seems that the brilliant minds at the United Nations were desperate to come up with something to do in order to remind us all how ridiculously absurd their mere existence is. And man did they ever hit the jackpot.
In case you missed it, last week the official Twitter account of the international organization pushed out some much-needed guidance on the critical issue of gender equality. Behold the wisdom for yourself:
Is the world racked with economic devastation rippling outward from international coronavirus shutdowns? Yes.
Is the world's food supply chain at risk because of a global pandemic? Yes.
Is the world suffering from overwhelming poverty in undeveloped regions? Yes.
Is the world threatened by exploitative tyrants and global terror networks? Yes.
Is the world still experiencing the scourge of slavery, including the barbaric sex trade? Yes.
Is the world routinely ravaged by natural disasters that wipe out lives and livelihoods for millions? Yes.
Is the world facing an excess of corrupt governments leading to resource mismanagement? Yes.
But thankfully in the midst of all the suffering, turmoil, rancor, and unrest, there exists a global body dedicated to the peace and security of our world that is taking strong and robust action to alleviate the horror of mankind's use of familial labels like "husband" and "wife."
Think of the lives that will be saved. Think of the families that will be strengthened. Think of the communities that will be reinvigorated. Think of the nations that will be lifted from despair. Think of the hope that will pierce into the darkest corners of our world.
It's moments like these that make the fact that U.S. taxpayers shoulder over one-fifth of the annual U.N. operating budget worth it all.
Never mind that the prospect of calling someone "owner" rather than "landlord" seems a bit oppressive in and of itself, and never mind that calling a "businessman" a "representative" makes little to no sense whatsoever, and never mind that using "family name" rather than "maiden name" is likely to increase confusion over which family and which name tenfold.
The important thing here is that by abiding by the U.N.'s guidelines we can powerfully signal our virtue to anyone and everyone. We will look like we care. That, coupled with shaming the insensitive rubes who don't participate in our linguistic hijacking, is far more important than actually contributing something positive to the world around us.
And who better to teach us this lesson than the United Nations? After all, when it comes to pretense, hoaxes, PR facades, and generally existing as a whitewashed tomb of meaningless nonsense, the U.N. takes a backseat to no one.