Opinion: This post office thing may be the dumbest conspiracy theory yet

by Peter Heck · Aug 19th, 2020 5:26 pm
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Last Updated Oct 14th, 2020 at 3:06 pm

We live in immensely silly times.

I've written before that I'm just not into conspiracy theories at all.

  • The Obama birth certificate thing annoyed me – and I'm convinced to this day that the former president avoided showing his long form certificate just to keep the conspiracy theory alive. It allowed him to paint his opponents as nutjobs.
  • The fact that there is a Georgia Republican, endorsed as a "future Republican star" by the President of the United States who actually posited the 9/11 conspiracy argument as recently as 2018 that, "there's never any evidence shown for a plane in the Pentagon?" That's infuriating to me.
  • The conspiracies about the New World Order, Jewish banker cabals, as well as the ones pushed by the organic food/alternative medicine crowd drive me crazy.

But it's been a long time since one has amused me to the point of laughing out loud like the recent frenzy about President Trump's war on the United States Postal Service. It's hilarious to behold.

Obviously when dealing with something as serious as this assault on democratic government, what we need is someone with a significant public platform to sound the alarm. Lucky for us, after hitting 30, Taylor Swift has reached the point in her career where she is now desperate to be taken seriously. And what better way to do it than stopping a nefarious presidential madman intent on a mailman massacre?

"Calculated dismantling of USPS." I lost it. And then, to see her followers tweet support with lines like, "Republicans slowing down the mail is homicide," was almost more than I could take. Let's be honest, I'm not sure the Republicans could slow down the mail any more than it already is.

Swift's call to action was received the following day by certified Trump-loather, former NBA player-turned-iPhone thief-turned-rehabilitated social media influencer Rex Chapman who made a fool of himself by tweeting from his verified account "proof" of this Trump election conspiracy.

Great hordes of left-wing keyboard warriors rushed to the scene, metaphorical swords drawn ready to liberate the letter carriers. Bloomberg columnist Tim O'Brien followed the money:

Former director of the U.S. Office of Government Ethics Walter Shaub was ready to take to the streets:

Unfortunately for the online posse that scurried to cram themselves into Chapman's clown car, it turned out that in his haste to post the original content his account has become known for (yes, that's extraordinary sarcasm), Chapman failed to do a simple Google search of the picture.

He posted an image of locked-up postal boxes not realizing the practice began and the picture was likely taken in 2016…when Barack Obama was president.

What's amazing is that the purpose of those locks is to protect the efficacy of the postal service. They are used to protect against the very kind of chicanery that these intellects accuse President Trump of using them to commit. It's mind-boggling nuttiness.

But I'm honestly not sure there could be three more appropriate words for the era we currently find ourselves.

After all, consider that President Trump waited for several days for the left to tie themselves to a universally renown unreliable entity – through these tweets, Nancy Pelosi's demagoguery, and even a column from left-wing conspiracy site Salon – before weighing in on the unfolding Post Office war. And what did he say?

This can only mean one thing. Taylor Swift and Rex Chapman are preparing tweets as we speak warning that Trump has obviously allied himself with the USPS as part of some dastardly plan switch out all vote-by-mail ballots and rig the election.

As I may have mentioned, we live in immensely silly times.

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